Tag Archives: The Band Tortoise

An indoor child’s dream jobs circa 2015


1) Japanese-English Translator

2) Music Writer

3) Darkroom Assistant

4) Singer In The Club Style

5) Radio Man

6) Lover Man

7) Jungle Man

8) Gentleman Boxer

9) Gentleman Thief

10) Absent-Minded Professor

11) Country Parson, But For Atheists

12) Exorcist of Demons Both Literal And Psychosexual

13) Travelling Quack

14) Givin’ Em What They Love

15) CEO and Chief Promoter For Underground Sensation Shit Hot Records

16) New York Apartment Manager (Surly And/Or Balding)

17) One Scene Wonder In Cult Film

18) Animal Cafe Proprietor (Cats, Dogs And/Or Owls)

19) Tortoise Caretaker

20) Raconteur

21) Barstool Philosopher

22) Reincarnation of One’s Own Grandfather (Who Is Very Much Still Alive)

23) Consoler Of The Lonely

24) Copywriter, Amanuensis For More Talented Younger Siblings

25) Simple Man

26) Complicated Man Disguised As Simple Man With Moustache And Retro Haircut

27) Hobo Name Generator

28) Producer of Suffolk-set Trailer Park Boys Remake (Working Title: Tractor Boys)

29) Student Of Action Cinema

30) Doctor of Metal Gear Solid Studies

31) Session Musician

32) Leader Of Swans Tribute Band

33)  Token Straight White Man In Riot Grrl Band

34) Sleep Tape Narrator

35) Ghostwriter Of Comedy Lists For More Famous Comedian